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YuLee · '

Rom�nia

National motto: Capra vicinum intereo quoque ("May the neighbour's goat drop dead too!!")

Official language: C++, Jav(r)a, SQL, PHP and ASSEMBLY

Capital Ferentari
Securist-sef
(Head of State) Traian Basexu

Paharnic
(Head of Government) Calin-Popescu Trainiceanu ... or maybe not

National Heroes
(Mythology) Bula, Jiji Becali, Stefan the Great, Condoleeza Ricescu, Vlad the Impaler and Alexander Jhoan Cuza

Independence
Not recognised by the Moldova Empire

Currency p**a
(please note 1 new p**a = 10.000 old p**a ; 1 new p**a = 100 coi)

Religion
Ass-kissing (aka pupincurism)...

Geography of Romania

Romania is where her ancients left her (righ there, on the map, on the left of the Black Sea).

History of Romania

The Romanians teach their little cute kids that their ancients, some brave people, established ~2500 years ago a country called 'Dacia' (now, Dacia is just a no-name car brand, made mainly by Renault - the lady cars company). Well, at that time, Dacia was also a brand too, (their country's brand) and this people (called 'daci' by the romans) loved the brand so badly, that they dared to fight romans when those wanted to attach Dacia to the Roman Empire, thus Dacia brand dissapearing and letting others think that 'Roman' whas a more famous brand. So, as I was telling you, they did fight, and they kept doing it until the real brand won (surprise): the romans! BUT our story goes on. The brand 'Dacia' survived (and we conclude that the war had no reason), but the difference was that the romans mixed up with the 'daci', and so, later, over centuries, when the Roman Empire died, a new brand had risen: 'Romania'. Isn't that lovely? I can't imagine how that comes, that those ancient daci accepted this rebranding process. But I have to accept that it happened... Well, later on, in order to save their new name, the brand-new 'romanians' had to keep fighting all those who thought that 'Romania' is a too nice name or that it names a too nice country. Probably this is why Romania is so poor now (poor romanians!): they had to fight for keeping the brand Sad

And here, my story ends. The romanians still live somewhere hiding around The Carpathians (you know those, don't you?), being happy but especially proud that they could keep the name.

Religion

The Romanians are a very religious culture, their main activity is calling God in their life. Romanians also look to God for help. The best way to show their religious belief is to get into crowded churches and stare at other people's clothes, this activity happening especially at Christmas and Easter. After that one must discuss each piece of clothing in enclosed circles determined by age and social position. This ritual is extremely hard and therefore the best ones at it are midle aged men and women who stand in front of their house all day, on little chairs and thus can compare the street style with the church style.

The visit to the church is made more interesting by the constant danger of being burned "unintentionately" of course with a candle, get your money stolen or get hit with a piece of firework. Romanians are a very adventuresome nation and they like the thrill of going to church in dangerous conditions.

Romanians are so religios that they mainly use the word God or it's associates (if they don't use the so popular m**e or p**a) in everyday life. For instance, let us say that you can't find your wallet. Then, a ritualistic invocation of God is needed: "Unde p**a mea l-am pus?! Futu-i Dumnezeii lui de portofel!!!" (Where could I have put my wallet? God help me find it, so I can introduce it to the pleasures of anal sexual intercourse, please!)

Another highly religious expression is <'tulai Doamne!> (Untranslateable in this form, but linked to the word God=Doamne). This is a derrived of <Futu-l-ai Doamne!>, which means "May God give you the best of luck so that you may enjoy the pleasure of sexual intercorse in the near future".

Romanians are so religious that each holiday is celebrated by ingesting high alcohol quantities, until each and every person in a village or city is closer to God. We are proud of drinking red wine, which makes us feel that much close to our Saviour. The conection is obvious to any true priest but they were too drunk to answer our questions at the time this article was written...we will pursue the case and anounce you.

It is also very common to invoke the Saints, the ancestors, other higher beings and especially the symbol of christianity: the cross! Common expressions are like "Futu-ti crucea matii!" (May the holy cross watch over your mother) or "Rupe-se-ar cailor lu' Dumnezeu hamurile cand imi trag p**a din mata!" (May God's horses have a nice day, and may your mother be fertile and happy.)

Misa is the main Romanian religious cult. This religion is a form of yoga and hardcore sex, practiced by over 98% of the population. A couple hundred people gather in a place called the loving grounds and they starting having wild sex with each other.

The whole process is lead by The Guru, a highly important figure in Romania. Many people love this man and teach their children to be just like him; he recently published a book "How to love your neighbour, from behind" which was declared a best-seller in the first weekend, and over 1 million copies sold in the first week. Of course, The Guru donated all those earnings to the victims of incorrect copulation, which happen fairly often in the cult, due to the excess use of drugs and wine.

The Guru is also known as IPS Teoctist. He is a former bulldozer driver, now converted to the state of church-constructor. Regarding its megalomany, a quote defines it: "My limit is the sky!", limit which he intend to reach by constructing a church in the centre of Bucharest. The church plans revealed that the saint's faces painted on the church were all his face, subtile arranged with Adobe Photoscrot.

Sursa: http://uncyclopedia.org/

YuLee · '

Sa faci o femeie fericita este usor...
Trebuie sa-i fii doar:
1. Prieten
2. Partener
3. Iubit
4. Frate
5. Tata
6. Profesor
7. Educator
8. Bucatar
9. Mecanic
10. Instalator
11. Decorator
12. Stylist
13. Electrician
14. Sexolog
15. Ginecolog
16. Psiholog
17. Psihiatru
18. Terapeut
De asemenea, trebuie sa fii doar:
19. politicos
20. simpatic
21. in buna forma fizica
22. dragastos
23. atent
24. gentleman
25. inteligent
26. spontan
27. creativ
28. empatic
29. puternic
30. intelegator
31. tolerant
32. modest
33. ambitios
34. competent
35. curajos
36. hotarat
37. increzator
38. respectuos
39. devotat
40. pasional

Si mai ales:
41. potent din punct de vedere financiar...

In acelasi timp, barbatul ar trebui:
a) sa nu fie gelos, dar nici dezinteresat;
b) sa se inteleaga bine cu familia sa, dar sa nu dea mai multa importanta familiei decat femeii;
c) sa-i lase libertate, dar sa se intereseze unde a fost si ce a facut ea;
Foarte important:sa nu-i uite data nasterii, data aniversarii inceputului relatiei, data aniversarii casatoriei, datele "zilelor" ei, data primului sarut, data nasterii matusii(lor) ei preferata(e), nepotilor ei preferati si/sau prietenilor/prietenelor ei preferati...

Din pacate, pana si respectarea intocmai a sfaturilor de mai sus nu garanteaza o rata a succesului de 100%, caci femeia s-ar putea simti stanjenita, stramtorata si plictisita de o viata prea ordonata si prea perfecta si ar putea fugi cu primul l..ar pe care-l intalneste.

Si acum reversul medaliei.
Sa faci un barbat fericit este, dupa cum vom vedea, cu mult mai greu, caci un barbat are nevoie de:
1. Sex
Si de:
2. Mancare.
Cele mai multe femei se simt bineinteles suprasolicitate de aceasta multitudine de pretentii absurde ale barbatilor...

Morala:
Convietuirea armonica dintre barbati si femei ar putea fi realizabila foarte usor, atata timp cat barbatii ar accepta compromisul de a-si ingradi un pic din pretentiile fara margini. Daca ei ar putea renunta la cateva dintre cerintele lor, pentru a echilibra balanta pretentiilor reciproce...

YuLee · '

CLIENTUL INTREABA:

Acum un an am schimbat versiunea Logodnica 7.0 cu Nevasta 1.0 si am observat ca programul a lansat o optiune subita Bebelus1.0 care ocupa mult spatiu pe hard. In instructiuni nu era nimic mentionat.

Pe de alta parte, Nevasta 1.0 se autoinstaleaza in toate celelalte programe si se lanseaza automat cand deschid alta aplicatie, impiedicandu-i executia. Aplicatii ca Bere-intre-prieteni 10.3, Duminica-la-fotbal 5.0 nu mai functioneaza.

Uneori apare un virus - Soacra 1.0, care blocheza sistemul sau
face ca Nevasta 1.0 sa se comporte total haotic. Nu reusesc sa dezinstalez acest program si devine insuportabil mai ales cand incerc sa lansez aplicatia Duminica-de-dragoste 3.0.

Se pare ca si alte fisiere sunt virusate. De ex.: c:/Sex__sambata_dimineata.exe nu mai functioneaza deloc. Am vrut sa revin la programul anterior Logodnica 7.0 dar procesul de
dezinstalare al programului actual, Nevasta 1.0 mi se pare complicat iar riscurile pt. sistem sunt mari mai ales pt. Bebelus 1.0 care chiar imi place.

Ma puteti ajuta? Un utilizator disperat.

RASPUNS:
Draga client,
Nemultumirea Dvs. este frecventa printre utilizatori dar ea se
datoreaza unei greseli primare de conceptie: Multi utilizatori trec de
la orice versiune Log odnica X.0 la Nevasta 1.0 cu speranta falsa
Nevasta 1.0 nu e decat un program de divertisment si utilitati. Dar e
vorba de mult mai mult :Nevasta 1.0 e un Operating System complet
creat ca sa controleze toate aplicatiile Dvs. E aproape imposibil sa
dezinstalati Nevasta 1.0 si sa reveniti la Logodnica X.0 intrucat
exista sisteme virusate care fac ca si acesta sa se comporte precum
Nevasta 1.0 deci nu aveti nimic de castigat.

Aceeasi problema si cu Soacra X.0. Acesta e un program mai vechi din care deriva Nevasta 1.0 si comporta multe probleme de compatibilitate. Cu putin noroc, sfarseste prin a fi victima unui virus si dispare in cativa ani.

Unii utilizatori au incercat sa formateze tot modulul si sa instaleze programul Iubita+Nevasta 2.0 dar asta le-a creat si mai mari probleme ( a se citi notita de prevenire "Pensie alimentara" si "Custodia copiilor"). Daca instalati Iubita 8.0 nu incercati sa treceti la
Nevasta 2.0 pt ca problemele vor fi chiar mai mari decat cele cu
Nevasta 1.0. Chiar daca exista si versiuni Nevasta 3.0 si Nevasta 4.0, acestea sunt rezervate specialistilor si avand un pret ridicat nu le recomandam.

Daca sistemul cade, va recomandam Celibat 1.0 dar ideal e sa
pastrati Nevasta 1.0 si sa invatati programul cat mai bine posibil intrucat e foarte sensibil la anumite comenzi si reactioneaza rau la erori de instalare.Asadar, orice eroare aparuta va fi considerata ca provenind din partea Dvs. si trebuie sa vi-o asumati. Va sfatuim sa activati aplicatiile C:/Scuze/Scuze.exe.

Evitati utilizarea tastelor ESC si SUPPR care necesita ulterior
C:/Scuze /flori.exe. Pentru o mai buna utilizare, va sfatuim sa
cumparati si pack-ul Bijuterii 3.0, Vacante 5.1. Optiunile
Da_draga_mea 2.7 si Ai_dreptate_iubire 4.5 sunt indispensabile. Nu instalati sub nici o forma Secretara_blonda_in_fusta_mini 2.0, O_prietena 3.1. Aceste programe sunt incompatibile cu Nevasta 1.0 si pot distruge sistemul. Functia c:/Sex__sambata_dimineata.exe se va activa odata cu c:/Colier_cu_diamante.exe.

YuLee · '

De cati forumisti este nevoie pentru a se schimba/inlocui un bec?
-1 pentru a schimba becul
-1 pentru a posta si anunta ca becul a fost schimbat
-14 pentru a impartasi experiente similare si a arata noi modalitati de
schimbare a bcului
-7 pentru a avertiza asupra pericolelor ce apar la schimbarea becurilor
-27 pentru a corecta greseli gramaticale aparute in posturile despre
schimbarea becurilor
-53 pentru a lua la misto pe cei ce au corectat greselile gramaticale
-2 profesionisti in domeniu care sa atraga atentia ca termenul corect este
?lampa?
-15 care sa pretinda ca au lucrat in domeniu si termenul ?bec? este la fel
de corect
-109 care spun ca forumul nu este despre becuri si discutia trebuie mutata
pe un forum despre becuri
-111 care sustin ca atata timp cat toti folosim becuri, discutia este utila
pe forum
-306 pentru a discuta care sunt cele mai bune metode de a schimba becuri,
care sunt cele mai bune, de unde se pot cumpara si cat costa
-27 pentru a posta linkuri catre siteuri unde pot fi vazute diverse modele
de becuri
-14 pentru a spune ca linkurile nu sunt corecte si a posta pe cele corecte
-33 pentru a cita tot ce s-a postat pana in momentul respectiv si a raspunde
?si eu?
-6 pentru a atrage atentia sa se foloseasca functia ?cautare?
-12 pentru a posta ca ei renunta definitiv la forum din cauza divergentelor
aparute pe marginea subiectului
-143 pentru a spune ?cauta intai pe google si daca nu gasesti nimic despre
becuri atunci intreaba pe forum?
-16 posturi unde doi membri poarta o discutie total paralela cu subiectul
-24 posturi in care li se atrage atentia sa foloseasca mesajele private sau
e-mailul
-1 moderator care sa avertizeze ca daca nu se inceteaza cu mesajele aiurea
va inchide topicul
-1 membru nou al forumului care raspunde la 6 luni dupa ultimul post si
totul o ia de la inceput...